After starting and falling off a gazillion attempts at completing a workout programme, I’ve started another one and this time I’m definitely going to stick the course!

I had my first set of assessments for my personal trainer qualification last week and whilst the assessor congratulated me on my tests, she also mentioned I was carrying a bit of extra timber. A comment along the lines of “If you’re going to be a trainer you need to look the part” closely followed. Fuck!

Embarrassing as all hell but she was quite right. So I’m embarking on an all-guns-a-blazin’ workout marathon a la Biggest Loser and will be lean and trim in no time.

Well, not quite. I could jump right in with both feet and pick up tonnes of heavy shit in loads of weird and wonderful ways but I’d no doubt

• injure myself
• injure the dog
• fail to complete the workouts
• stay fat